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I often wonder when my feelings for him began to
change, and more than often, its cause. Perhaps it was after the
fall of Akzeriuth, when he saw the suffering he had caused and
vowed to amend his sins. Perhaps it was because of his
increasing reliability afterwards. Perhaps it was his naiveté,
or the innocence that shone in his eyes, or the way that he
smiled…
At first I hated him. He was spoiled and obnoxious, so
completely ignorant of the state of the world around him. He
cared only for himself and didn’t think twice about the well
being of others. A year older than my own 16, he was like a
child and I found myself his unwilling caretaker. I watched over
him and kept him from harm, because after all, it was my own
miscalculation that brought us to this unknown territory.
He was impossible, and I found myself frustrated by how stupid a
person could be. I longed to rid myself of his company… and yet
I couldn’t.
Even after Akzeriuth, when everyone else had given up on him,
gladly taken Asch as his replacement, I stayed by his side. I
don’t know why. But even though I question myself, I’m glad I
did, for it allowed me to witness the night of his
transformation… and perhaps mine as well.
Afterwards, in keeping my promise, I watched over him as he
began to right himself. I was always with him, through his
struggles, through his triumphs. As he slowly regained the
others’ trust, slowly gaining their respect.
I don’t know how he is able to do it.
Even though the world had thrust him into its shadow, he was
still able to stand. He kept to his word. He did everything in
his power to try to amend what he had done. No matter how
hostile others were to him, he never gave up.
And then there was Asch. Added to the weight of Akzeriuth’s
destruction, he finds that the life he had lived was merely a
fraud, taken from someone who was much more capable, much more
suitable in this quest to save the world.
I admit, his will wavered then. Knowing of Asch’s existence
seemed to drain him of his self-worth. He had no past, no
future; he wasn’t even meant to exist. Outwardly he tried to act
as if nothing was wrong, but I’m not blind. I’ve watched him
long enough to be able to accurately judge his emotions.
He saw himself as an inferior to his original, and constantly
volunteered to die in his place. Each time he implied of his
worthlessness my heart cried out to him in misery, ‘That’s not
true.’
Yet, despite my constant fighting it, I found myself falling.
Unconsciously, I would stare at him, entranced by what I saw…
Then I would catch myself and turn away quickly, hoping he
hadn’t noticed. But of course he wouldn’t have noticed. He never
does.
Long gone are the days when I regarded him as only a civilian
that I, as a soldier, must protect. He is no longer the ignorant
son of a Duke, no longer the spoiled heir to the throne. His
change is monumental, beyond my own comprehension. He has a
depth much deeper than my own, and yet still has an innocence
that could only be found in young children who do not yet know
of the pain and hatred the world contains.
I expect no less from him. All these things shape who he is… the
person whom I love.
Because he’s Luke.
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